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Saturday, January 31th, 2004 link When I walk, I feel like a Tree Imp from Lord of the Rings. When I went to Cala last night, which is about 2 blocks from our house, I just took it real slow. Nice steady pace. I was exhausted by the time I got home, but felt good. Today however, I hda to walk the same distance to the bus stop, I could see the bus coming down stanyan but I cound't do anything about it. I walked as fast as I could, knowing there was no way in hell I'd make it in time. I was maybe 30 feet from the bus stop when it drove away.
Friday, January 30th, 2004 link Huge news for me today. I walked with no assistance last night for the first time since the walking cast they put on me on Tuesday. Now I'm an unstoppable walking machine. I've been going around all day saying "I'm a walker! I walk!" I'm so excited about walking that although I am still in a lot of pain, it is a little more bearable now. And I feel like the pain is from working hard, not just from injury. I just pretend it's pain from a really intense work out. Tonight I walked all the way to Cala (with crutches), got a bunch of groceries, and walked all the way back. It was hard but so rewarding. Now I have ice cream, crackers, cashew butter, coffee, apples, and grapes. I feel a huge sense of accomplishment. I feel like a 1 year old learning to walk. I had to show off to my coworkers that I can walk while holding hot liquids. Hurray for me! I am such a glutton for punishment, I'd better be careful and not overdo it. But hurray for me!
Thursday, January 29th, 2004 link Just a couple more day left of crazy hours and then I can sort of take it easy a little bit until it starts all over again. I have all sorts of plans next week so I will leap into having a social life again after a month of working, sleeping, hurting and working.
Wednesday, January 28th, 2004 link
So I went out with Ger last weekend and she said that my journal made it sound like I was walking around completely miserable. It's not true. Having a broken foot is hard and I chose to share my pain with the world. Sort of document what it's like to heal a broken foot. And it serves as pain therapy. I think it's more bearable if you just admit to yourself you are suffering, then you are able to keep things a bit comical instead of goingg through my days thinking nobody understands my pain, and secretly feeling sorry for myself. I'm up front and personal! I understand it's just a foot, I understand it's just 8 weeks of initial pain. I understand other people are much worse off. It doesn't decrease my pain and it doesn't mean I'm suppose to pretend it doesn't hurt. Cuz it does. And yes, I feel lucky that it's just a foot. I guess I should have put some more positive stuff in there like, my nurse at UCSF is nice. She gave me advice on paints. We shared stories, Talked about how Peggy was her first patient when she started at UCSF. How the x-ray technician said I was "a Natural". So no, I don't live my days sobbing alone to myself. I work crazy hours with my fun coworkers. Having a broken foot is really really hard but no, I am not wallowing in misery, well ok, I had two days there of wallowing, but it was much needed. But you know what, even after all this time, it's still really hard. I have a walking cast but I still haven't been able to put all my weight on my foot, and the pain is at times unbearable. So you'll just have to listen to some more bitching and moaning. Because it makes me happy.
Tuesday, January 27th, 2004 link
My full report from today's doctor visit: I asked them to show me the x-rays because last time I remember thinking, holy fuck there's a huge separation between bone halves and I'm going to be deformed for the rest of my life. I got quite upset over it. I thought surely I was just exaggerating it in my mind. But they showed it to me again and sure enough, it's really terrible. But they assured me that it will be fine, it won't affect me, I'll be able to run, bla bla bla. Still it made me feel panicky so I cried a bunch, which is always nice to do at the doctor's when you're trying to have a serious conversation about your health and well being. Here are some nice action shots of the cast removal, pre-cry. My foot looks like a hobbit foot. Somebody out there, please please please can somebody get me some herbal remedies?
Monday, January 26th, 2004 link Can't wait til tomorrow. I've had a charlie horse in my calf for about two weeks straight that I can't do anything about. It's making me a bit crazy.
Sunday, January 25th, 2004 link
I can't wait for Tuesday when they take the cast off. I hope my next cast will be a removable one. I want to swim or something... anything. I just want to stretch my calf. I feel like I'm never going to be able to put my foot flat on the ground again because my calf muscle is so cramped up. If I get a removable cast, I'll be able to massage it and get it back to normal faster.
Saturday, January 24th, 2004 link Tom got me flowers today because he loves me. He's nice. I worked on the invite to our February 20th show. Here's a rough of it. I forgot how painful it is for me to design stuff. I just don't have the patience. I try. I'd like to be better. I'm thinking about buying a wacom tablet and start doing more sketches on my computer. Bla bla bla, I'm boring today.
Friday, January 23th, 2004 link
Hey, it's Friday, go play Kaolin's tetris-style game. Tonight is movie and slack night. I am going to try and be as zombie-like as possible for the next 15 hours. THen it's back to work :(.
Thursday, January 22th, 2004 link Happy Chinese New Year! Listen to this. Haven't you ever wished you could smash penguins with baseball bats? I mean who hasn't. This game is for you. PIE!!!!! Wednesday, January 21th, 2004 link
Tuesday, January 20th, 2004 link Positive Polly Never Squawks Monday, January 19th, 2004 link The thing I don't like about sandwiches is that once you eat them, they are gone. I want my sandwich back!
Sunday, January 18th, 2004 link LeeAnn Says: Your journal makes me feel sad. I feel that I need to take a pointy stick and force you down to a local gym and work on your upper body strength. The crutches thang is all about the arms and shoulders and maybe a little chest. Really, girlfriend, we need to prepare you for your next medical emergency now!But LeeAnn, I am strong, it's just that crutches suck. You can't go far because your hands are so sore! I am a strong woman. No woman has ever beat me arm wrestling and many have tried. And you should know how hard they are. Hasn't Dean been on crutches for extended periods of time? But thanks awfully for feeling sorry for me. It's what I aspire to. The attention makes me feel loved. Please don't make me work out any more. I am sore enough already. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Saturday, January 17th, 2004 link We went to the Citrus Club last night for dinner. It's a bit cozy in there so the act of getting to our table had to be quite creative and acrobatic. Tom forced his way through the restaurant with the wheelchair, then I hopped up the steps to find that a table of three was sitting very much in the way of my table. I said "Oh, crap", the threesome, stared blankly at me, then hopped a very long distance around the room and plopped into my seat. Tom then followed with the wheely chair and I think it finally dawned on the guy that I was hopping for a reason. He turned to me and said "I thought you were dancing." I'm never really in all that perky of a mood after life endangering acts such as hopping wildly through a slippery, crowded restaurant so I just stared back at him blankly. I think he was a little disappointed that I didn't react as he'd hoped I would so he finally just said "Welcome!" and turned back around. I totally understand why forceful, cranky people can often be found in wheelchairs or on crutches. It's a pretty easy mood to get into, just as sort of a self defense mechanism. People really really want to run over people in wheelchairs. I think it might be ingrained somewhere in the human genome.
Friday, January 16th, 2004 link
Thursday, January 15th, 2004 link Foot and head disease So I decided that If I'm to plunge head-first into my foot depression, I might as well do some research. It seems a lot of people with similar injuries have been finding my site. Maybe this will help them a little too. Here are some links: Wednesday, January 14th, 2004 link My mood today is quiet, melancholy, a bit fussy, tired... so tired. It's making it hard to get anything done at all. I'm trying. I'd like to feel one of those moments of joy when all is right with the world. I feel so far away from that. Just waiting and waiting for this project to finish and for my foot to heal. Nothing else I can do. Lots of work. Lots and lots. I feel lonely. My computer doesn't love me back. It just makes more work for me. It, and my foot, keep me from my much needed sleep. I am but a shell. I am sorry I am down all the time. Believe me, I don't like it one bit.
Tuesday, January 13th, 2004 link I found a new pair of cranky pants Monday, January 12th, 2004 link
People don't understand how hard it is to walk on crutches. The best I can hope to walk without being completely exhausted (the arms won't take me another foot) is about 2 and a half blocks with breaks + the round trip. The hardest part is coming back after your arms are all ready exhausted. And when people tell me, "well hell if 1 block is far, then 2 or 3 isn't much worse". They just don't understand. It's not just walking 6 blocks total that is bad. It's walking 6 blocks total on bruised hands and exhausted arm muscles. I swear, you try it, It's so fucking hard. My arms are getting huge. So next time you see someone walking with crutches, you should show them some respect. It's like walking around on your arms. Anybody who doesn't believe it is hard, You come down to my work and walk to the Chinese food place and back. It's fucking hard. Hard hard hard. So there. Also, now that you've got me going, The hopping on one foot thing is also incredibly hard. Much harder than the crutches. The it band (muscle that runs up the side of you leg all the way to your waist) is so exhausted from daily chores like tooth brushing. But even though I LOOOOVVVEE to complain to you, my captive audience, I also feel the need to share some positives. The grilled ham and cheese sandwich I had at that Chinese food/teriyaki/donut/hamburger place was the bet one I've ever tasted. I'm going back every day this week.
Sunday, January 11th, 2004 link I slept in late today, then sat at my computer until 8pm. I made templates for oakdalepainters.com. I've been stressing over when I would be able to get it done. So even though the content is not complete, I feel like a huge burden is lifted. I think the design turned out ok. It's a bit wedding-ish with the scripty font but since our styles are so diverse, it seemed like a nice, neutral solution. I also changed the colors of angrypirate.com for the hell of it. The new colors are maybe a bit more wintery. Whatever. It's fun to change it every once in a while just because I can.
Saturday, January 10th, 2004 link
Tonight we went to Mel's for dinner and finally saw Return of the King. I don't know if it's the best of the three. I think I don't really have a favorite. I want to watch all three back to back. They are all so good. On the way home we decided to go hang out at the beach for a while. The weather was perfect. We sat on the wall and watched the bonfires and waves. We need to do that more often. We stopped off at Safeway before heading home to pick up some essentials and play with the "courtesy cart". Fun fun. The one I got had a red star helium balloon tied to it. Perfect! Those things don't have breaks though so when I went outside to bring the groceries to the car, I kept rolling down the ramp. It was a little scary there for a minute. Then I had to do a 3 point turn to face back up hill because the power sucks in reverse. Keep that in mind if you ever find yourself in one of those carts, I hope you don't. I super indiegeeked out today on No Karma. They have lots of great MP3s to download so I did, then bought 5 new albums. My new favorite band is the All Girls Summer Fun Band.
Friday, January 9th, 2004 link
I'm pretty happy about being home. I've been so, so tired all week. It's raining outside now and I've got my laptop in the living room, listening to NPR's best albums of 2003. Since I can't get dishes dirty with no sink to wash them in, I braved the out-of-doors. I crutched it all the way to Haight St for a bagel and coffee. I took two breaks on the way there and my arms are still recovering but it was oh so nice to get out of the house. I had to tell the girl behind the counter about my accomplishments of crutching all the way there. I'm glad I went when I did because now it's raining, and like the wicked witch of the east (or was that west?) I melt in water.
Thursday, January 8th, 2004 link
I sure whine a lot. I don't really feel like it's whining though. I just feel like I'm telling it how it is. It's hard, but whatever, it's just a foot. I won't pretend I'm having a great time. I do like getting all that reading done. I think too much lately. I suppose it's good to take a break from painting but I'm so good at feeling guilty all the time, so I feel like I'm not doing stuff I should be doing, which is silly really. We tried to go to Safeway yesterday but all of their electric carts were broken. So instead we went to Cala. I know this is weird but I really miss going to the grocery store. I picked up some essential items for surviving a broken foot. Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches, raspberry newtons, Baby Belle cheese, and sleeping pills. I can't get to sleep at night and I can't stand it. I am reading "perks of Being a Wallflower" It's a great book. I'll finish it tonight. It's nice reading books in 3 days.
Wednesday, January 7th, 2004 link Some more things I've learned about having a broken foot. I'm much more efficient with some things. It's all about multitasking. You've gotta get as many tasks done at one time as possible to save trips. My hands hurt the most. the padded bicycle gloves help but it's still painful. I can stand longer on one leg, hop a little longer, and walk a little farther in the crutches without getting exhausted. I have zero balance in the morning though. I really screwed up the other day. Tom was saying that after my foot got better, he was going to sit on the couch and do nothing all the time, let me wait on him. I made some comment like "Now you know how hard it is." I wasn't serious, we both do lots around the house. His eyes popped out of his head and his jaw dropped. I leapt up and hugged him. I won't be saying anything like that ever again! He says I don't let him in the kitchen, which is not true at all, I'm just impatient so I usually start cooking before he even feels the urge. Plus I like cooking for him. Now my fish Jelly is dieing too. There's nothing I can do for her. I think she has Mad Fish Disease.
Tuesday, January 6th, 2004 link I just got this weird ad in my email and just wanted to share it with you all in case you haven't seen it. I often regret not finishing my BA degree. Mostly because I'd like to get an advanced degree, and it seems so unobtainable. I mean, I still feel like the choices I made were the best ones at the time, but time passes so quickly and you look back and wonder what you've been doing all this time. I have lots of schooling, but it feels like none of it means anything. Sad. I was looking though this quarterly art book/magazine that has new artist's work. All of them have bios, and nearly all the bios include master's degrees. Makes me feel useless, and that maybe there are all sorts of things that I think I know, but I really don't know, and I should. Maybe I should see a school counselor. Seems complicated to track down all of my school credits. Maybe the old ones aren't even worth anything, and nearly all the rest are extended education classes. Maybe in the future I should try for certificate programs. Just to have something to add to my list of accomplishments, so I don't feel like this.
Monday, January 5th, 2004 link I think people should just leave Britney alone. She was obviously just having a bit of fun. Who hasn't wanted to get married in Vegas and then get an enullment? It costs something like $257 dollars to get an enullment right away. People do it all the time. Lunch love Best Strongbad Email Ever Sunday, January 4th, 2004 link We slept in a bit and went to Pork Store for breakfast. Mandy waited on us and was really nice to me. She even gave us free coffee. The wheelchair Peggy loaned me makes such a huge difference in my life. I don't know how to repay her. Last night we went to Murio's for a few drinks. It's so nice to be able to get around. On Friday night, I tried to walk on crutches to the Citrus Club for dinner. It was just 2 and a half blocks but it was the longest 2 and a half blocks I've ever walked. I knew walked on crutches was a challenge, but I never realized how hard it is. It's much easier when you are young and small. I feel so huge and old all the time now. I can feel every extra pound. And my wheelchair is for small people so I have to squeeze my fat ass into it, making me feel even bigger.
Saturday, January 3rd, 2004 link Bye bye little Yoshi Friday, January 2nd, 2004 link Well, The jury is in. I saw the doctor today. She said that my foot should heal ok as is. She tried to set it a bit better but it was pretty stubborn. We talked about the possibility of surgery. If we did surgery, I stand a big chance of loosing a nerve along the side of my foot, and she thinks I'll be ok without surgery. We are going to wait 3 weeks and take a look at it, If it looks too icky, we'll do surgery then and the healing clock will start all over again. In the meantime, I'm to stay off my foot for 3 to 4 weeks. That's 3 to 4 weeks of no showers, only baths. 3 to 4 weeks of crutches and hopping. It's going to be a long month. Better buy some books. Peggy loaned me a wheelchair so at least now I have a fun way to get around, I can go get dinner on Haight street.
Thursday, January 1st, 2004 link Happy New Year! We had a quiet New Year's Eve at home. We watched Drugstore Cowboy, Ghost World, and part of 13th Floor. Tom made a nice dinner and we had wine and champagne. Today we are just hanging around the house. Tom made a nice egg and biscuit breakfast. I'm reading Carter Beats the Devil and surfing the web, finding out about broken Metatarsal bones and what I'm looking at as far as healing times and such. Since it's going to have to be set with a pin, it's hard to say. I may only have a cast for three weeks. I may be able to put some weight on it after three weeks, or I may have to keep it immobile for 6 weeks. We will find out soon enough. I'll assume the worst and hopefully be pleasantly surprized. Azure and Jason got an iSight camera so we had a New Year's Eve video conference. I miss them. Maybe we can drive down there this month and hang out. I could borrow Peggy's wheelchair so we'll be super mobile. I keep thinking about snapping wishbones. I can't help but imagine that's what it was like when my bone snapped under pressure. Here are some things that have been challenging about the ole break. It's amazing to me that a little foot injury can be such a pain in the ass. |
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The foot has been causing me a lot of pain lately. I hope that means it's healing really fast. It's been swelling a lot and my calf muscle hurts so much. I woke up this morning to an incredibly achy leg. I'm doing some vibra-therapy on it. We've got this vibrating pad that fits in a chair so you can get a massage while working in your office chair. I've got it wrapped around my cast right now with heat and massage on. If it doesn't feel better, I might just stay in bed most of the day. It was really unbarable last week.
Mad ramblings of an insomniac: I have to walk to school 12 miles uphill in the blinding snow... barefoot, and all I have to eat are wood and rocks.
There once was a girl who broke her foot. She never slowed down even though she was suppose to rest a lot and keep her foot elevated. The foot swelled and swelled. One day the foot grew so big that it turned into an elephant and walked away, dragging her behind it.
I stayed in my funk for most of the day yesterday. I couldn't get much of anything done except cry a bunch, and it felt ok. Then suddenly, I felt better, and then I got the urge to paint my cast. So there you go. I'm much better today although I tripped on my carpet this morning and fell on my hip and had a cry a little. Now I am recovered.
Look at Milo Furpants licking my toe. Isn't he cute?
I'm keeping very busy this weekend. Today we slept in a little, saw Heather's new puppy, I worked for a while.
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